I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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