things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
