i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
