I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
