She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
