Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
