Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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