How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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