You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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