oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
