so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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