Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
