Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
