I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize