My nipple is on Facebook.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
