I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
