This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize