I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
