But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was born a porn star she said
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
