ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
