i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
