Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
