So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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