His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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