So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
