Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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