yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
