New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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