I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
