Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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