my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need a burrito and a hug.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She needs sedatives and a leash
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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