The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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