I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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