and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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