I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
