Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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