I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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