Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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