i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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