you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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