it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
