After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
