oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize