That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
