You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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