Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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