By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
