can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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