I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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