You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drunk is not a location!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
