She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
