you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
