The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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