Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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