At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
