I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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