1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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