Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
