I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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