You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
