What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
