That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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