if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
