i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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