id be glad to
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
