Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
