This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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