closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
