the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
