is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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