There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
