Hey man sorry I got all grabby
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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