i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
