smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
