She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
