11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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