I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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