if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
