if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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