You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
