I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
