OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
