Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
