I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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