if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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