no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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