that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
