He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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