Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
