When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
