careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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