I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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