I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
