I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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