I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Panties = found
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
